Monday, November 06, 2006

oh wells. just feeling kinda sad now. just wished my parents would be more supportive in stuff that i do. it really irks me la. i mean like, as much as i love the freedom to not have a night curfew and stuff, but i dunno la. sometimes i look at the stuff others are allowed to do and just feel its kinda unfair la.

i mean like i just feel i got too many chains attached to me at home. like holiday job, i just wanted a holiday job for 2 reasons. building fund and so i can fund my own spending. initially i was just planning to give from my allowance and ang pao money but den its like the other day during cell, God compelled me to give more. den i was like, God thats quite a huge sum leh. but den i pledged with faith. and its like i knew the only way i would fulfil that amount would be to get a job. the comics mart job didnt look like it would work out so its like i was still wondering how my jobs gonna come. den out of nowhere, 2 jobs dropped onto my lap. first was a job julie recommended which was a door to door selling thing and its earns u as much as u can sell and one sale earns about 15-20 on the average. thats a 3 hour night job. den the second is a job that was truly amazing. i was sleeping on the bus after strikeforce yesterday. den glenn chao and chien chi woke me up. its not often u meet ur old schoolmates on a bus at 830pm at night. then chien chi introed me a job that paid $5.50 to $6.50 an hour. and the hours are super flexible. so both jobs could fit seperatly into my schedule. i was like so happy la. i was like thinking, this is like blessing of all blessing. den my parents dun want me to take up the night job and i m scared the day job cant earn me enough if its so flexible. i m like speechless...

den its like strikeforce. this year wasnt a year of a level magnitude. but den its like my mom didnt wanna let me go cus i screwed up my results, ok la. my fault. but after i slogged like a dog for promos and its like i was hoping after exams i could commit myself to helping out more and if God blesses me with a performance that ll be cool. so now i m going for mtt. and den its like now i signed up to help out in the vivo city gig and i havent even told my mom yet cus i dun even know if she ll allow. sigh. den building fund, my dad scolded me when i told him i pledged 40% of my allowance. den i just told him calmly that if he was so confident that i couldnt manage my fiances den dun give me any extra money. den he said i was being stubborn. den its like why are my parents so uptight about giving. i mean like basic human principle. give within ur means. second principle. give by revelation. third principle. give something that touches ur heart. sigh. why do people consider giving to God as money lost. i mean like the word tells us we will recieve a hundredfold blessing la! and after the last building fund. i got back even more than i pledged in just over 2 months. sigh. my parents read the word more den me, they have a human mind probably 10 times more matured den me, yet they dun get it...sighh! and they dun set the best examples all the time...

sorry my blog sounds so depressing today la. just feel very heavy. just really wish i could have a better relationship with my parents. i wish this home could be less like a military camp. and if something would actually benefit me in terms of learning, in terms of life skills, in terms of my likes and interest, i would be allowed and given full support in doing it. i mean like, sometimes i feel, they dun even connect with me or make much effort to connect with me, or try to make themselves patient enought to rationalize stuff with me, or even see the bright side of the things i do, den theres really no point telling me to come home and spend time with them. its always that one track mind, study, go uni, earn money.

sigh. nic tan. we ll try to stay positive ya. and we ll try one more job interview tmr. oh wells. it was like that last year wasnt it. but i rather having them scold me about me committing to God den doing something stupid. its late. shall go to bed now. bye.

|cowpoo| 9:58 PM|

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